WHY do people find it fun to play mind games on others? I don’t mean little jokes for the enjoyment of everyone involved – to create laughter. But the kind where they say or do things and then do a 180 or pretend like it never happened, etc. It’s like they they get some sort of kick out of making others around them miserable.
That’s the way the hubby works. It seems he enjoys saying one thing, then going back on his word. And yet at the same time, he will let on like it was an innocent error. OR make it out to be something that I made up or dreamed up. Grrrrr!
I used to get frustrated about it but kept excusing it or forgiving it because of the differences in our backgrounds. You know, like it takes a while to get in tune with each other. But as the years went by, it became obvious that this was really something that he enjoyed doing.
To give you an example of the cruelty: When my daughter was about 9 yrs old, she had been begging for an above-ground swimming pool for quite some time. One day we were out shopping and he stated, “Hey D, you still want a swimming pool?” Of course she gets excited and says yes. He tells her to come with him. We both follow him – she was so thrilled and I was totally stunned because I wasn’t expecting it.
So we all walk together to the pools. He then says, “Okay – here, if you have the money, you can buy it.” Wha??????? Needless to say, she was crushed. I was PO’d once I recovered from the shock.
Fast forward to this week. I’ve already told you that he walked out a couple of weeks ago. So we’ve agreed to remain cordial not only for our son, but because we work together. We’ve done okay – not great, but okay. For now, we had agreed on a specific schedule for who would keep our son on what days. But, he tells me a couple of days ago that his mother would be in town for one day only – and it’s one of my days to keep “A”.
I agree to swap. And therefore the plan is that hubby will pick up “A” at daycare after work today, keep him overnight and then the two of them will drive to a neighboring town about an hour away (where his sister lives and where his mother is going to stay). Now, let me first say that when he first asked about the arrangement, he didn’t actually tell me that it would be in this other town. He just let on like it was here in this town.
But, I overlook it and went with the arrangement even after I found out. Then about 3:30 this afternoon – he calls to say that he can’t pick our son up tonite. Wha???? “Okay” I say, “What happened?” He says that he can’t drive his car that far (which is true, the transmission is going out) – and so he is riding with someone else. Again, I agree. I also have to drop my plans for the evening – but it’s my son, so I don’t mind.
He never mentions tomorrow. So, I finally called him and he said that he would try to get his sister to stop by in the morning. I try explaining to him that I need to know for sure so I know when to have “A” ready. He says, “Just have him ready by 8:00.” Now some of you may think I’m being a you-know-what, but I want to know who is taking my son. AND, I don’t want to get him up and ready only to find that no one comes, you know? So I tell him as much. He finally agrees to make the arrangements and then call to confirm the details.
Finally about an hour ago, he texts me to say that “L” (one of his sisters) will be here at 8:00 to pick up our son. This is the ONLY one in his family who does NOT have my permission to take care of my son, pick him up, drive with him in the car, etc. He and I have agreed to this for years. She is an air-head. I’m pretty sure she likes her drugs from time to time. She is in this country illegally. And she drives worse than anyone I know!
So, tell me….WHY does he do things like this!?!?! Of course I have to disagree and tell him ‘no’. And what does he do? Makes ME out to be the bad guy. Good grief. Just grow up and move on – that’s what I say!
Why am I dumping all this garbage here? Just to say that I am really struggling to keep my emotions in check. I’m really trying to be the bigger person and not fight with him. I’m trying to forgive him as God would have me do. And every darn time I think that things are finally on track, I’ve found peace with the situation……he pulls this stuff.
I simply do not understand what joy a person could get out of doing things like this. Really.
So if you are a praying person – I would appreciate your prayers for our situation in that we could find a peaceful resolution to all of this.
And, now I’m tired….so I’m headed off to bed after I tuck my very disappointed little man into bed. He was looking forward to seeing his grandma (Abuela).