“It Was The Love”
I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything since May – and here it is October! A lot has been going on for sure. Some of it has been tough, but I lean heavily on God and He always sees me through!
As mentioned in this previous post, my daughter and son-in-law moved down south. They are doing well though we are all missing each other like crazy. My daughter had some serious home-sickness going on for a bit – but I think she is doing better now.
They both came back up a few weeks ago for a visit. While here, many of their friends came out to the house for a little party. It sure was fun seeing everyone together again! And most recently they were here for the wedding of ‘my other daughter’ – as you may have read on previous posts….she is my daughter’s best friend. They call each other ‘sister’ and I’m ‘Mom’ to her.
I also mentioned that the new job I got after being laid-off was not very enjoyable. I didn’t want to complain about the job I had after losing the other one…but I was miserable. I didn’t want to come across as being ungrateful. It was during this time though, that I started learning that I was not leaning on God as much as I thought.
I was so ‘worried’ about being laid-off that I grabbed the first job that came along rather than praying about it and relying on God to open doors for me. Again, which has been typical in my life, I was trying to be in control and manipulate my situation.
If you read this earlier post of mine, then you will understand my thought process here. Of course it wasn’t until after I started the new job and began to reflect on my situation that I came to realize that I was still struggling with ‘unbelief’. Though I had faith that God would provide, my unbelief came about in thinking that I needed to jump on that job because there might not be another offer rather than waiting on Him. So I spent almost 6 months in a job that I was unhappy with and that was not a good fit – for me or the employer.
During this time, I kept studying and learning about God’s grace and His desire to provide for us, His children. Most recently it dawned on me….
Just as an earthly parent, God does not want His children to suffer, be ill, in pain or live in poverty. He wants only the best for us. I have always said I believed that….but I think deep down I always felt like I wasn’t living up to whatever it was in my mind that I thought I should be or be doing for Him. I felt that because I was ‘failing’ or falling short of what I thought He wanted….then why would He shower me with abundance? If I couldn’t take care of the little, why would He give me more?
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not talking about doing ‘works’ in order to get to heaven. But just as with my own children….they may do things that are not what I would choose for them…and they may even disappoint me from time to time. But would I want them to suffer, do without, hurt? No way! So why would I assume God would be any different?
I heard someone say that maybe we shouldn’t be asking God for ‘just enough’ – meaning, why do we ask Him for things like giving us just enough to live comfortably, or feel better, or pay our bills? We are children of God. We were made righteous by Christ. So we should claim it! We have power through Christ!
So I recently sat down and had a lengthy conversation with my Father. And I laid it all at the feet of my Savior. It finally made sense to me! I gave thanks. I cried. And rejoiced. And cried some more. But afterwards I felt so much lighter and I could definitely feel a difference. The burdens were gone.
Very shortly after that…things started happening for me:
First of all, I hurt my back carrying something at work that was WAY to heavy. And I was laying in bed on the 3rd night of the worst pain I have ever been in. But through the misery – I kept repeating thanks over and over for the healing. And sure enough, the pain went away without seeking medical care.
Every time I found my mind wanting to head down in the dumps or start with the negative thoughts – I would correct myself and say thanks to my Father. I gave thanks for my healing (we are healed by his stripes….) and thanks for His provision. Let me tell you….it was not – and still isn’t – a natural or automatic thing for me. I am so used to thinking ‘here we go again’ or something negative…and then gearing up to deal with it. So, I have had to repeat many, many times that I do not have to carry the burden….God’s got this!
Next, I got a call from someone that I have always considered a mentor of mine. I had worked with him in the past and though we parted ways years ago, I would still do some ‘virtual assistant’ jobs for him from time to time. I also know his boss – the owner of the company in which he works now – from that same time period in our past. He asked me to stop in to help them with some personnel issues. I agreed.
When I got there, both of them were there telling me about how some things had changed within the company – and they wanted to offer me a job!!! You have to understand – I have wanted to work for them for years! And here it was, out of the clear blue, being offered! Needless to say, I accepted the job.
Within the first week – I was given a raise…to cover the healthcare premiums – so that it wouldn’t cut into my take home pay. Can you believe that!? I was also assured that I would be getting my pay bumped up very soon.
Then came the realization that I was most likely going to lose my insurance on my home – due to ‘forgetting’ (Fibro Fog) to pay it…and my first check was coming in exactly one week later than the cut-off date. Again I found myself starting to get stressed. But I reminded myself that God’s got this….and I was just along for the ride.
Sure enough – no quicker had those thoughts crossed my mind when my boss asked me how I was with the gap between my last job’s payday and this one. I told him I was figuring it out. He told me to give him a figure and he would advance it to me. I did. He did. When I asked about re-paying it…..I was told not to worry about it right now. So, house insurance was paid – literally within 4 hours of it being cancelled!
For many – this may sound like small potatoes….but for me – this is huge! For the first time in my life, I feel that things are going to be good for me! I no longer feel like I screwed up and therefore it is what it is! Of course there will still be things to come up and I will probably have to remind myself another few hundred times to let things go….but I’m confident that it will become easier as I’m growing and learning more!
Next on my list is my health – again, I’ve spoken with God about this and I am confident that my body is repairing itself and I will no longer suffer. For now, I find that when I’m getting caught up in the ‘unbelief’ – my Fibro starts acting up. Once I claim healing and refuse to worry about the situation the symptoms recede. I believe that for now this is my little reminder to help get me back on track. But I also fully believe that I am healed and that my healthy body will manifest once I learn to accept the gift given to me.
And finally…..relationships. I’m not sure where I’m going here yet. But I’m trusting God to lead me. At the moment, with all of the pain and mistrust I’ve experienced in this area….I do not want an intimate relationship with another man…ever! But at the same time, I find myself lonely and wishing for companionship. However, I will wait on my Father and see what He has in mind for me. Maybe it’s more than I can ever dream of…..or maybe I’m not supposed to have another man in my life….either way, I’m good with that.
F.R.O.G. = Fully Relying On God…..that’s the fun part….once you learn to relax and go with it!
Movies. I have watched a couple of movies recently that really touched me. Movies that had me coming away still thinking about them and I thought I would share some of those thought with you.
The first was called ‘The Intouchables’ – a 2011 movie and based on a true story – full of meaning and humor. It is about a quadriplegic who hires a young man to be his caregiver – who at first glance would not be your typical caregiver. This movie reminds us not to ‘judge a book by its cover’ in so many ways. First of all – the young man from the projects has more skills and abilities than those who are supposedly ‘qualified’ for such a position – but he also brings other things too. He tells it like it is and is very up front about everything. This is refreshing for the quadriplegic who is tired of the way people see and treat him. He appreciates that the young man doesn’t ‘see’ him as unable or crippled. He ‘sees’ him like anyone else.
The two men grow close and the story allows you to see how each one cares for the other in different ways. It also shows us that though our lives are busy and full – we shouldn’t forget those less capable of the simplest of things like walking or feeding ourselves. They still have life in them too. They still have feelings and desires and dreams. And, they have much to offer if we only slow down a bit and pay attention. And maybe that is why this movie touched me. Suffering from Fibromyalgia means that I am not able to participate in all of the things that I would love to do. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be included or at least invited to activities. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to spend time with my friends and family….but I may need to make some adjustments to when, where or how.
The second movie is a recent movie by Kirk Cameron called ‘Unstoppable’. I was excited when I heard this movie was coming out because I have really enjoyed the Christian movies that Kirk has been involved in such as ‘Fireproof’ – which was awesome! I have to say that I was initially disappointed in this one though. I appreciate Kirk’s efforts in what he was trying to get across…..but it just took too darn long to get there! My daughter and I kept sitting there wishing he would hurry up and get to the point. And honestly, there were some aspects of the movie that we never did understand the purpose of it – he must have been thinking on a much deeper level than we were – Ha! But I understand that he was trying to present this in a manner to help those who may not be Christians as well as food for thought to those who are Christians.
Ultimately, Kirk is trying to explain some sort of ‘answer’ to the age-old question of ‘Why did God allow (fill-in-the-blank tragedy) to happen?’ For instance, why do kids die of cancer or why did someone die in a car wreck. I’m not going to provide his ultimate explanation – which really leaves the viewer to draw their own conclusions – but I do have some thoughts about some of the things he mentioned.
First of all – he referenced cemeteries as being called ‘Gravegardens’ – and though I haven’t actually been able to find that specific terminology pertaining to cemeteries (I ran across Grave Fields once), I like the term. While using various stories from the bible he suggested that when one passes away we become seeds that scatter in the wind – and that it is part of the process for growing elsewhere. Basically he was saying that we all have a time here before moving on to the other.
But this triggered some other thoughts for me. I’m thinking – aren’t we supposed to ‘plant seeds’ in this life? So it seems to me that maybe we scatter the seeds and touch lives of others while we are here on this earth. We all have a specific ‘allotment’ for whatever God’s purpose is – and when we are done – is it our time to move on?
Think about it. Just think of how those miraculous children with cancer touch our lives. As a society we are always amazed at how strong they are and how happy they are though they are going through so much or how full of faith they always seem to be! They inspire us to be better. They cause people to consider their own belief systems and their own life situations. I firmly believe that they touch more lives in their limited lifespan than many of us who live many more years.
Everyone has a purpose – and maybe some don’t even realize what purpose they serve. But in the end – who is to say that they have not fulfilled their purpose and it is now time for them to move on to their next adventure with their Creator? Grave Gardens – where God’s flowers are planted so they can bloom into the next season.
Okay – maybe this sounds cheesy…..but I like it. I would rather think something like that than to try to ‘convince’ myself once more that ‘they are in a better place now’ and yet not feel comforted. We always say that don’t we? ‘They are in a better place’ or ‘They are no longer suffering’ – which does help some….to a point. But then what?
So for me I like this little picture I now have. I know that we will never understand God’s reasoning behind everything – but for me this helps to paint a picture that provides a bit more comfort in the ‘unknown’.
To sum it up – the movie/documentary is extremely slow at getting to the point. And then I’m not sure what the final outcome is for everyone – make up your own mind with the food-for-thought that Kirk provides. But I am glad that I watched it. I like that it provided some thoughts that had never occurred to me before. I like that it stuck with me afterwards……for me, that is a sign of a good movie!
SO – have you seen either movie? If you have – what are your thoughts?
I did it again. I let my faulty ‘auto-pilot’ kick in when an unexpected problem came up recently. I had to give myself a good talking to for sure! Good news though – I am learning to lean on my Father more and more. And though I may panic for a bit I continue to remind myself to stop and pray.
This year has been financially tougher than I’ve seen in several years. And I will be honest, as a result I’ve been a bit more emotional about it – I think a lot of it has to do with my Fibromyalgia giving me troubles so much. When one is in constant/chronic pain, you tend to find yourself weepy and depressed if you aren’t careful.
I try not to allow myself to ‘go there’ if you know what I mean. But sometimes when I’ve been working through the pain and staying strong for so long – if one more thing comes along, I lose it. I guess that is what happened this week.
As mentioned in previous posts I’ve had several learning experiences concerning my finances of late. To give a bit of history, I was not taught about money-handling, so I will be the first to tell you that looking back – I made bad choices throughout my life. The frustrating thing is that I get all straightened up and doing well financially and then get stupid. I allow the influence of others get to me and end up allowing them to blow through all of my money and even ruin my credit. Not their fault – it is mine.
But through this I am learning to lean on God. And I do. And He comes through. Every. Single. Time!
So this week, my phone crashed and burned – permanently. It is our only means of communication because I, like many others these days, did away with the landline (in order to save money). So I was freaking out about what I was going to do – I have a near-8-year old child – I need to be available for school calls, etc.
Once I calmed down – I decided to see if I could get one of my old dinosaur phones to work. I did and was back in operation within a very long and agonizing day. Whew!!
Two days later I come home to find that the furnace is no longer working at my home! So we borrowed an electric space heater and I turned the electric oven on for a bit – and we bundled up to keep warm. I lay in bed for hours not being able to sleep worrying about what in the world I was going to do. You see – we live literally paycheck to paycheck with a negative balance of about $300 in my bank account. I don’t have credit cards and no savings.
By morning I was a mess. But I kept reminding myself that God was in control and He has never let me down. I even felt guilty for having all of those negative, dooming ideas. I continued to pray and talk with God all the way to work.
When I got to work I asked someone for advice on what he thought the problem was and who I should contact for repairs. He gave me the info. I made the call – told them my situation. The man quoted me a price range of $200 – $500 (based on my description of the issue). So I requested that they just come out to do a diagnosis only. Once he came up with a solid figure – then I would determine what I was going to do.
You see, in addition to all of this financial mess I’m in – because I haven’t felt so great physically this year – I hadn’t even started buying Christmas gifts yet! So I was in a real pickle. To top it off – I felt I needed to do something special for my son this year (long story – will fill you in later).
In the meantime, I set about hitting the old ex-husband up for some of that child support that he was behind on and I needed. Though I didn’t get all that I asked for – he did come up with $200 for me. Then I went to my employer to request an advance on my paycheck that comes after Christmas – and they agreed. All along I was singing praises to God!
This morning my dad met the repair guy at the house. I left a blank check and told my dad that if the repairs were $300 or less to go ahead and pay it – and if it was more, to call me first. As it turned out – the total bill was $169.00!!!!!!!!!
Needless to say, I’ve been grinning ear-to-ear and thanking God over and over. I’ve also apologized for being a goober and lacking faith….again! Saying that you have faith and then worrying about things contradicts itself. I know that. And I don’t know why I keep stumbling….but I am working on it.
I’m so blessed – and so thankful. And I am His child!
Okay – this is totally changing gears here….but I want to get it down before I forget.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our world lately and the technology that we have. Where a lot of folks my age may grumble about what our world is coming to – I find that I am fascinated and inspired with the advances. I’m not going to get into all of the details – but wanted to mention a few that touch the lives of many. Just to let you younger folks realize how quickly things are progressing now:
Keeping mind that I am now 49 years old…..
My mother’s family was one of the first in their town to have a color television!
I have used the following for music: vinyl records, 8-track tapes, cassette tapes, Walkman, CDs, I-Pods
When I was a junior in high school I took computer programming classes – which was practically unheard of at that time. They had just started having home computers – but were not the norm for everyone. We used DOS. We bought a Radio-Shack TRS-80 computer. And we had a blast!
I remember when they first started having paperback books in the library! THAT was a treat! BTW – I now have a Kindle, thank you very much! And yes, I love it!
I seldom handwrite anything anymore….and that’s okay by me – I love email and Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and texting and more!
My 76 year old dad texts – awesome!!!
My mother was in her 60’s and was emailing and surfing the ‘net – how cool is that!? BTW – my dad operates an online business – Woohoo!
And I won’t even start with the automobiles – but let me tell you we didn’t have electric windows or locks when I first started driving.
Alright – enough of that – but I have to say I embrace all of enthusiasm that the younger folks have for advancing and seeking new things! I may be a bit slower….but I love it too!
Have a wonderful day and thanks for stopping by – come again!
Heard another message that really hit home for me this morning….like a ton of bricks….my head still hurts (Ha!).
The speaker was teaching about how Christians can be saved, but still have unbelief. Not that we don’t believe in God and that Christ died for us – but rather how we often focus on our issues or problems rather than the promises of God.
The speaker said that unbelief comes to be when we do not consider (meditate on or bear in mind) the promises of God. Instead we focus (or consider) on the problem/issue more – and all of this comes to us in a variety of ways:
- Disbelief – when we are given incorrect teaching of God’s word
o Can be countered by our reading and studying His word for ourselves
- Natural Unbelief – is relying on what we physically see and hear – what we naturally experience
o Again countered by what we know of God’s word and not on our own emotions/senses
- Hardened Heart – a result of what you will not consider/accept
o Countered by considering/meditating on the promise rather than the issue – instead of thinking that something is or is not going to happen (based upon your knowledge or experience about the issue) – you simply believe that although you don’t know how, you know for sure that God will take care of it and it will happen in a way far beyond your imagination
Our own unbelief often stands in the way of the promise being fulfilled. And we’ve all read and heard that before. But I guess I never thought of it past believing in God and that Christ died for me. I never thought of it in terms of my thinking or views having an impact on the results. I mean – yes, I’ve said to myself or others ‘God will take care of us’ – or something along those lines. But what was really rolling around deep inside my mind at that time?
Funny thing is though, as I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I have been learning a lot lately. About myself. About God. About my life and this journey I’m on. And I had already come to realize that I need to re-direct my thought process as I’m working to trust and have more faith in God. And this message today simply reinforced what I have been processing in my own mind lately.
For example, I have been working through some financial issues of late – and I knew I was in for some very rough times. It was going to be bad. On paper, I simply was not going to make it, folks. But then I corrected myself and thought ‘No, I am going to trust God. He is going to see me through this. I am going to rely fully on Him and stop worrying about what I cannot change.’
I have to tell you – I was nauseous with worry about what I was going to do – and several times throughout the day I would speak with God about it. And I would remind myself to stop worrying, trust God – stop thinking about it, trust God…..you get the picture. Over and over I would go through that process. It took a couple of days – but the anxiety subsided. It took time, I believe because if I wasn’t careful, I would find myself getting anxious and contemplating the horrible things I just knew was going to happen ‘IF God decided not to help me out of my predicament’. I also praised Him and thanked Him for taking care of me and my son. Each time I caught my mind wandering back to the dark side – I would praise Him and thank Him and claim His promises to me. And of course, He was faithful and He worked it all out for me! I just had to focus my thoughts on my heavenly Father and stop focusing on the things of this world. Why oh why do we make things so difficult on ourselves?
Ultimately, this has taught me to think a little deeper and do some serious soul-searching about my ‘self-talk’. I am the expert in telling myself that something is not as good as it should be or why would God do this when I did that, etc. Few people know that I have a Commercial Art & Advertising education on my resume – the reason? I was so critical of my own work it was not rewarding to do the work. Therefore, I never pursued that field as a career.
So, on this piece of my journey I am striving to redirect my thinking. To stop and tell myself, ‘No – I am not going to think that way. Instead, I’m going to believe and trust that God is going to do _____.’ I am going to keep reminding myself daily that I am loved. I am worthwhile. God is waiting for me to get out of my own way – so He can do miraculous things!
Wishing you a blessed day! Take care
I feel that my journey is about to kick in gear. Sure, something is always happening and we are always experiencing and hopefully learning – but I ‘feel’ something coming my way. Not sure what it is – but I’m excited! I see things lining up in my life. So many prayers have been answered. Or better yet – I know that God has always provided for me and mine – but I am more aware of the answered prayers lately. I have been made more aware of how my thoughts and actions can hinder – but that if I stop and remind myself that I need to wait on God – Wow! It’s been so awesome!
I find myself wanting to shout it out to everyone and tell them all about what is happening – but of course, I realize that most folks would deem me a crazy person and/or be turned off and tune me out….so I refrain. I want to share with everyone each time a realization comes to me – but instead I make myself calm down and allow God to use me in the best way He sees fit.
One area that I am anxiously waiting upon the Lord to deal with is my Fibromyalgia. Actually the Fibro Fog bothers me more than the pain – but they go hand-in-hand. I find myself frustrated because I can’t get my thoughts together. I have always been a sharp, quick-thinking and detail-oriented person. But this Fibro Fog has taken a lot of that away from me. My blogging is a perfect example. I have many, many things I would like to write about – but am unable to get it done due to the scatter-brained thought processes I have now.
But that’s okay. I’m waiting. I have faith. In the meantime, it forces me to assess things that I probably took for granted in the past. It causes me to consider my relationship with God. It creates in me a stronger desire to trust and be dependent on Him. But just you wait – I believe that when there is full breakthrough in this area – it will be time for seeing some very real changes in my life!
Something else I’ve been thinking about quite a bit. I’ve probably touched on it in past posts – can’t recall. But…..I need a friend. I don’t have one. I have lots of people I care deeply about (coworkers, former coworkers, etc.) – but not a real friend. Yes, I’ve mentioned one over the past few months – but she and I have finally come to the conclusion that it’s difficult being close friends with someone you have absolutely nothing in common with other than you have known each other for years. We simply couldn’t find a way to connect.
So – why don’t I have a friend? Hmmmm….. Well, I think for one that since we moved around a lot while growing up – I learned to make friends easily but never got really close with them because we would always be moving on. We were very close as a family though – and so as an adult now, my family is who I am close to. I miss my brother so darn much it hurts – and I wish he lived closer….but that’s another story for another time.
When younger and single and a different lifestyle – yep, lots of friends that I hung out with then. When I got married – I was content to just be with my little family. But being single again and living a Christian lifestyle – I find it difficult to ‘meet’ people who I have enough in common with that we might be able to become friends.
I will admit that I have not ‘connected’ to the singles group at church for a couple of reasons. Some may say those are just excuses – and maybe they are – but for now, it’s the way it is for me. For one – I go to church on Saturdays because I want my son to have that exposure and to be involved in our church. On Sundays – he is with his father. The singles group meets on Sundays. So – why not get up and go again on Sunday? Yep, I’ve thought about it. A lot – but so far, I haven’t had the energy to do that…..I usually need at least one full day of nothing but rest at home in order to make it through the week at work without my Fibro interfering.
Getting back to the subject of a friendship for me – please pray that God will put the right person in my life to fulfill that need. Pray that we can be a blessing to each other and that we always keep God in the very center of it at all times!
Moving on now – here is something that I heard Creflo Dollar say the other day: “A tree bears fruit when it is exposed to sunlight and water. We bear fruit as we are exposed to SON-light and God’s living water.” I like that. Just let that sit with you a bit. What do you think? Isn’t it true?
Another thing I heard from someone else recently: We shouldn’t be amazed when supernatural things take place. If we are amazed, then we need to take a look at our hearts and our relationship with Christ. The speaker was trying to say that if we relate so much to this world that when we see supernatural things we are in awe of them – that maybe our focus is incorrect. But – at least from my view – it wouldn’t be amazement that it happened, but rather the awesomeness of witnessing the event! It makes my heart sing to witness awesome things from God. So I’m not sure I agree with this line of thought – we all perceive things differently, don’t we?
This reminds me of a time when a coworker had foundation stabilization work done on their home. Her husband had been paralyzed years prior and was in a wheelchair. He had recently fallen out of his wheelchair and broken his leg and had to have surgery. In an odd turn of events, she tripped while trying to learn to rollerblade and broke her own leg in two places. During this time, she and her husband had various companies coming out to give quotes on the work to be done on their home. They made their decision and came to an agreement with the company of their choice. At the end of the job, the owner of the company stopped by one evening and said that ‘God had laid it on his heart to not charge them for the work.’
I remember this like it was yesterday – but isn’t that awesome!? I’m sure some folks wouldn’t agree – but what I saw was God doing an awesome thing here! Not only was this man close to God, he was obedient to His prompting. In turn two people who were very used to being independent and taking care of their own needs – learned what it was like to experience God’s love. And all of the coworkers and friends of theirs had the opportunity to witness some supernatural work taking place!
And finally, I will end with a little heart-medicine….. My ex-husband has been out of the country (visiting the new wife) for a little over 3 weeks. He called to speak with our son one time for about 5 minutes. After all this time, I figured my son would be stuck to him like glue when he returned (because he was always very attached to his daddy). Dad just returned last week and so my son spent this past Friday night, Saturday and Sunday with his dad. He tells me when he gets home Sunday night – ‘I’m sure glad to be back home with you, Mommy.’ Can you say Awwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey – you take the little sweetheart moments where you can find ‘em, folks! They will be grown and gone before you know it!
We all have days that make you wonder if you shouldn’t go back home and start over……or go back to bed. It seems like we had one like that today at work.
Monday. Walk in and find that two offices have been flooded due to who-knows-what….some leaking pipes or something. It ruined a few things in the payroll office. There were guys here cleaning up the mess, setting up fans and looking to repair the mess. Instantly, when you walk near the place, you smell the mildew/moisture – which is not a good thing for some of us (me included) who have allergies to such ‘aromas’. Top that with the cleaning products that permeated the air – which triggered more problems for some very highly sensitive folks in the office. All of that made for some pretty miserable people.
Add to that – our phone system was down. Tech guys didn’t know why. They rigged up a phone that allowed the external calls to continue coming in – but they couldn’t be transferred or place on hold, etc. Therefore the receptionists had to take messages and/or ask the caller to call the employee’s cell phone (company phones, not personal). Can you spell S-T-R-E-S-S?
And finally – a dear, beloved man that our company has worked closely with for many, many years passed away this weekend. His funeral was today. Several folks are greatly saddened by this.
I must say though – everyone handled the chaotic morning better than some places I’ve worked before. Everyone simply got to work doing what was necessary. And ultimately it smoothed out by the end of the day – for the most part.
Yes, it has been one of those days, for sure.
Then there is my friend. She and I email back and forth to check in on each other from time to time. She is ‘stressed’ she says. I say she is depressed. Either way, she doesn’t sound good. I worry – no, I am concerned about her – because she tends to take on unnecessary burdens. She is a people-pleaser and therefore she takes on too many things trying to ‘help’ others at the expense of her own well-being. She means well. She is a good person. But she needs to stop doing that.
Most of our conversations consist of her looking to escape by moving somewhere else. I’ve known her for over 20 years and she has always wanted to leave town. She did once…for a while and then she came back. But she still dreams of leaving. I personally think she is looking for things to be ‘better’ in another place rather than facing what the real problem is in her life. Do I know what her ‘problem’ is? No. That’s not my expertise – but it seems to me that she is looking to fill a huge void in her life with material things rather than with what she really needs.
I believe she has a lot of self-esteem issues. I believe she needs a closer relationship with God – let Him fill that void. But she’s not there yet. She ‘searches’ by visiting different churches every week – but can’t seem to land anywhere. And she believes she is ‘good’ in this area – and honestly, who am I to judge?
I care deeply for her – and I’m concerned greatly. I pray for her. I don’t ‘worry’ because that is not of God – and I know that He knows better than I what she needs and what she needs to learn on her journey. She and I have little in common – we don’t even know why or how we became friends actually. We are both single moms – but her kids are grown. I have one grown and one 7-year-old. So we don’t really hang out or do anything together. We communicate by email and sometimes by phone and that’s it.
Since we don’t hang like best friends normally do – I choose my words carefully with her so as not to sound like I’m preaching. After all, I’m on my own journey (hence the name of my blog). But I do try my best to be encouraging and uplifting when I can. But here’s the kicker…
I have to be careful so as not to be taken down the negativity road myself. What I mean is – have you ever been around people who want to dwell in the negative all of the time!? If you have, you know how draining that can be. You know how it can ‘rub off’ on you if you aren’t careful. Since I come by negativity very naturally myself – it takes real effort to keep myself from going there. So when I find myself banging up against that wall with her – I try to be encouraging, she shoots it down, I try another angle, she finds something wrong with it too…I simply have to step back, and remind myself of the Truth. And remember that He is in control and that it is not up to me to do or fix her situation.
If God chooses to use me to be a testimony or something – that’s awesome! But that doesn’t mean that I am to ‘do’ anything – because that is ME controlling the situation again – or trying to at least. See how I must self-talk all of the time because I find myself chasing my own tail!? LOL – don’t worry, I’m not crazy yet. Just traveling along on my journey with my best friend – God!
But I do have a tremendous need for my vacation to hurry up already!!!! I can hardly wait – mountains, fresh air, fresh water…..ahhhhh! Can you see it, feel it, smell it!?!? I have included pics I took on my last vacation with this post – this will give you an idea.
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.