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Still On My Journey…Learning More…..Sometimes With My Heels Dug In…..

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I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything since May – and here it is October! A lot has been going on for sure. Some of it has been tough, but I lean heavily on God and He always sees me through!

As mentioned in this previous post, my daughter and son-in-law moved down south.  They are doing well though we are all missing each other like crazy.  My daughter had some serious home-sickness going on for a bit – but I think she is doing better now.

They both came back up a few weeks ago for a visit.  While here, many of their friends came out to the house for a little party.  It sure was fun seeing everyone together again!  And most recently they were here for the wedding of ‘my other daughter’ – as you may have read on previous posts….she is my daughter’s best friend.  They call each other ‘sister’ and I’m ‘Mom’ to her.

I also mentioned that the new job I got after being laid-off was not very enjoyable.  I didn’t want to complain about the job I had after losing the other one…but I was miserable.  I didn’t want to come across as being ungrateful. It was during this time though, that I started learning that I was not leaning on God as much as I thought.

I was so ‘worried’ about being laid-off that I grabbed the first job that came along rather than praying about it and relying on God to open doors for me.  Again, which has been typical in my life, I was trying to be in control and manipulate my situation.

If you read this earlier post of mine, then you will understand my thought process here.  Of course it wasn’t until after I started the new job and began to reflect on my situation that I came to realize that I was still struggling with ‘unbelief’. Though I had faith that God would provide, my unbelief came about in thinking that I needed to jump on that job because there might not be another offer rather than waiting on Him.  So I spent almost 6 months in a job that I was unhappy with and that was not a good fit – for me or the employer.

During this time, I kept studying and learning about God’s grace and His desire to provide for us, His children.  Most recently it dawned on me….

Just as an earthly parent, God does not want His children to suffer, be ill, in pain or live in poverty.  He wants only the best for us.  I have always said I believed that….but I think deep down I always felt like I wasn’t living up to whatever it was in my mind that I thought I should be or be doing for Him.  I felt that because I was ‘failing’ or falling short of what I thought He wanted….then why would He shower me with abundance?  If I couldn’t take care of the little, why would He give me more?

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not talking about doing ‘works’ in order to get to heaven.  But just as with my own children….they may do things that are not what I would choose for them…and they may even disappoint me from time to time.  But would I want them to suffer, do without, hurt?  No way!  So why would I assume God would be any different?

I heard someone say that maybe we shouldn’t be asking God for ‘just enough’ – meaning, why do we ask Him for things like giving us just enough to live comfortably, or feel better, or pay our bills?  We are children of God.  We were made righteous by Christ.  So we should claim it!  We have power through Christ!

So I recently sat down and had a lengthy conversation with my Father.  And I laid it all at the feet of my Savior. It finally made sense to me! I gave thanks.  I cried. And rejoiced.  And cried some more.  But afterwards I felt so much lighter and I could definitely feel a difference.  The burdens were gone.

Very shortly after that…things started happening for me:

First of all, I hurt my back carrying something at work that was WAY to heavy.  And I was laying in bed on the 3rd night of the worst pain I have ever been in.  But through the misery – I kept repeating thanks over and over for the healing.  And sure enough, the pain went away without seeking medical care.

Every time I found my mind wanting to head down in the dumps or start with the negative thoughts – I would correct myself and say thanks to my Father.  I gave thanks for my healing (we are healed by his stripes….) and thanks for His provision. Let me tell you….it was not – and still isn’t – a natural or automatic thing for me.  I am so used to thinking ‘here we go again’ or something negative…and then gearing up to deal with it.  So, I have had to repeat many, many times that I do not have to carry the burden….God’s got this!

Next, I got a call from someone that I have always considered a mentor of mine.  I had worked with him in the past and though we parted ways years ago, I would still do some ‘virtual assistant’ jobs for him from time to time.  I also know his boss – the owner of the company in which he works now – from that same time period in our past.  He asked me to stop in to help them with some personnel issues.  I agreed.

When I got there, both of them were there telling me about how some things had changed within the company – and they wanted to offer me a job!!!  You have to understand – I have wanted to work for them for years!  And here it was, out of the clear blue, being offered!  Needless to say, I accepted the job.

Within the first week – I was given a raise…to cover the healthcare premiums – so that it wouldn’t cut into my take home pay. Can you believe that!?  I was also assured that I would be getting my pay bumped up very soon.

Then came the realization that I was most likely going to lose my insurance on my home – due to ‘forgetting’ (Fibro Fog) to pay it…and my first check was coming in exactly one week later than the cut-off date.  Again I found myself starting to get stressed.  But I reminded myself that God’s got this….and I was just along for the ride.

Sure enough – no quicker had those thoughts crossed my mind when my boss asked me how I was with the gap between my last job’s payday and this one.  I told him I was figuring it out.  He told me to give him a figure and he would advance it to me.  I did.  He did.  When I asked about re-paying it…..I was told not to worry about it right now.  So, house insurance was paid – literally within 4 hours of it being cancelled!

For many – this may sound like small potatoes….but for me – this is huge!  For the first time in my life, I feel that things are going to be good for me!  I no longer feel like I screwed up and therefore it is what it is!  Of course there will still be things to come up and I will probably have to remind myself another few hundred times to let things go….but I’m confident that it will become easier as I’m growing and learning more!

Next on my list is my health – again, I’ve spoken with God about this and I am confident that my body is repairing itself and I will no longer suffer.  For now, I find that when I’m getting caught up in the ‘unbelief’ – my Fibro starts acting up.  Once I claim healing and refuse to worry about the situation the symptoms recede.  I believe that for now this is my little reminder to help get me back on track.  But I also fully believe that I am healed and that my healthy body will manifest once I learn to accept the gift given to me.

And finally…..relationships.  I’m not sure where I’m going here yet.  But I’m trusting God to lead me.  At the moment, with all of the pain and mistrust I’ve experienced in this area….I do not want an intimate relationship with another man…ever!  But at the same time, I find myself lonely and wishing for companionship.  However, I will wait on my Father and see what He has in mind for me.  Maybe it’s more than I can ever dream of…..or maybe I’m not supposed to have another man in my life….either way, I’m good with that.

F.R.O.G. = Fully Relying On God…..that’s the fun part….once you learn to relax and go with it!

Life Experiences: Fibromyalgia & Fibro Fog

Many people have never heard of Fibromyalgia.  Some have heard of it but have no idea of what it is.  Some people know that it means you have chronic pain – but that is all they know.  Some don’t believe it even exists….

I remember the day my doctor finally said that he believed I have it.  Leading up to that day, I was in his office on multiple occasions with tears in my eyes telling him I was so very tired of hurting all of the time.  We tried many things.  Finally on that day, he said he hated to put this diagnosis on me because it would be like putting a label on me.  He said that many doctors still do not believe it is a ‘real’ disease/condition and therefore tend to ‘ignore’ your complaints.

However, I was somewhat relieved in simply having an answer to my problems.  It was a relief to have a name to put with the condition rather than believing I was going nuts – LOL!

My doc knows me well though – and as he predicted – I was not ready to throw in the towel and start taking prescribed meds for it.  I wanted to see what else I could do.  I was already on an anti-depressant and it wasn’t doing much.  The thought was that if one was depressed, it could bring on pain – OR that the pain was bringing on depression (chicken or the egg situation).

So he recommended several things such as massage therapy, exercise, etc.

I tried them.  Massage therapy caused more pain.  It created newer areas of pain.  Exercising seems to make me hurt more.  Not the kind of muscle pain – like a good exercise would do…..this was down deep-in-my-bones kind of pain.  I researched online to find what others were doing – and I tried various things.

Ultimately, the best solution for me is taking Luminex that I purchase through a company called Melaleuca.  It is a St. John’s Wort & Griffonia Seed Extract combo.  I’ve tried over-the-counter St. John’s Wort – and it has not worked for me, but I read that it has helped many. When I take Luminex I find that not only does much of the pain subside – but I also have clarity of mind.  Which is HUGE!

You see, when you have Fibromyalgia, you also get Fibro Fog – which is a term used for describing forgetfulness, memory loss or the lack of mental clarity with this disease/condition.  I can best describe it as when you try to recall someone’s name and you say it is ‘on the tip of your tongue’.  It feels like I know this – but can’t get the thought or memory to come to full fruition. Or you find yourself having trouble concentrating and are very forgetful. It is very, very frustrating. 

It took a while for my family to realize that I really didn’t remember things.  They would be so aggravated because ‘we already discussed it’ or ‘I already told you – don’t you remember?’.  We finally got on the same track and they understood that no, I did not remember and they were going to have to get used to reminding me.  And I’ve learned to set reminders on my calendar or set alarms on my phone for even the smallest things.

I’ve also learned my limits.  I know exactly how much energy and how many days I can go before I start suffering from major pain now.  For instance, I know that if I am out doing things after 8 hours of work – I better call it a night early to compensate for that or by the end of the week – I can barely make it through the day without being in loads of pain.  So I space my activities out to allow for more resting than normal.  I plan ahead for activities on the weekends too – I have to allow plenty of down time afterwards or I will be missing work the following week.

I have also discovered that stress is a major factor.  Once I made it through my divorce and I changed jobs – because I had been in a very high-stress position for several years – many of my symptoms went into remission.  But let something stressful pop up and I instantly feel it in my back.  My back and neck will knot up and within a day or two it will feel like it is on fire in one or two concentrated areas.  And, if left long enough without my attempting to do something to relieve it – I find that the pain often travels to different areas.

And just in case it helps someone else – I also found that when something just won’t stop hurting – such as a specific spot on my back or leg – I can take a Loofah-type back scrubber and lightly scrub the area of pain and surrounding area as well.  It is like it stimulates all of the nerve endings and therefore the area that was causing so much trouble kind of relaxes. 

So how did it all start for me?  I thought I had pulled some muscles in my back when in labor with my son because they did a double dose of epidural on me and when it came time to push – I couldn’t really feel if I was pushing or not.  So I was doing my best without feeling….and figured I over-did it because I made myself throw up in the middle of all that trying.  

Even weeks afterwards, it got to the point where it felt like my entire back was one giant muscle spasm – constantly.  To top it off, the slightest touch hurt like I was bruised.  It actually took 3 years for the muscle spasm feeling to subside.  But the bruised feeling remained.

These days I often say my ‘everything hurts’ – because most of me does hurt.  There is never a day or a moment where there is nothing hurting.  For me it is mainly my skin, muscles and joints.  If something scratches my skin – even if the skin is not broken and there is nothing visible to the eye – that spot will hurt for a day or two just as if it were an open wound.  I have an overall pain that is constant – and then there are more concentrated pains such as the burning in the muscles of my back and shoulders or random shots of pain that can be anywhere.  Sometimes I will get an electric shot of pain in the palm of my right hand for instance, and then it will quickly shoot up to my elbow and then over to my left arm or something weird like that.

Many times I can’t sleep because my entire body hurts.  There is no good way to sleep when your skin hurts – and all of that constant pain and lack of good sleep tends to make the mind weary.  I suppose that is where the Fibro Fog comes from.  My retention for things is gone.  And that is tough as I have always been a sharp-minded person.

I could go on and on – but you get the picture.  I recently told my dad that I really believe my mom (who passed away in ’08) had Fibromyalgia – but it didn’t have a name way-back-when.  My heart hurts for her in all of the pain that she was in and no one could comprehend or understand.  I remember her crying because she hurt – and nothing seemed to help.  And let’s face it – it is difficult to have sympathy for someone when you can’t see what their problem is in a physical sense.

So for those of you who have it – I’m so sorry.  And I understand completely – even if your symptoms are different than mine.  I get it. 

For those of you who do not have it – please tune in and try to have compassion for others who are suffering from this or other conditions that are not visible to the eye.  It doesn’t mean it is not real.  It doesn’t mean that we are complaining for no good reason.  We don’t need you to have the solution – trust me, we’ve been there, done that with all of our doctors and tests – but just know that we may be a little slower or need to rest a little more often in order to maintain a decent life.  Know that we want to be included – even if we can’t participate – we appreciate being remembered – at least invited.  And if we can’t make it at all – we still want to hear about it afterwards – don’t shut us out completely.  Don’t leave us lonely.  It may seem like we just want to lay around and be lazy….but that is not the case – trust me.  We just need to plan ahead even for the smallest things and we need to be able to cut out early if need be.

Thanks – and have a wonderful week!

JOURNEY KICK-START

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I feel that my journey is about to kick in gear.  Sure, something is always happening and we are always experiencing and hopefully learning – but I ‘feel’ something coming my way.  Not sure what it is – but I’m excited!  I see things lining up in my life.  So many prayers have been answered.  Or better yet – I know that God has always provided for me and mine – but I am more aware of the answered prayers lately.  I have been made more aware of how my thoughts and actions can hinder – but that if I stop and remind myself that I need to wait on God – Wow!  It’s been so awesome!

I find myself wanting to shout it out to everyone and tell them all about what is happening – but of course, I realize that most folks would deem me a crazy person and/or be turned off and tune me out….so I refrain.  I want to share with everyone each time a realization comes to me – but instead I make myself calm down and allow God to use me in the best way He sees fit.

One area that I am anxiously waiting upon the Lord to deal with is my Fibromyalgia.  Actually the Fibro Fog bothers me more than the pain – but they go hand-in-hand.  I find myself frustrated because I can’t get my thoughts together.  I have always been a sharp, quick-thinking and detail-oriented person.  But this Fibro Fog has taken a lot of that away from me.  My blogging is a perfect example.  I have many, many things I would like to write about – but am unable to get it done due to the scatter-brained thought processes I have now.

But that’s okay.  I’m waiting.  I have faith.  In the meantime, it forces me to assess things that I probably took for granted in the past.  It causes me to consider my relationship with God.  It creates in me a stronger desire to trust and be dependent on Him.  But just you wait – I believe that when there is full breakthrough in this area – it will be time for seeing some very real changes in my life!

Something else I’ve been thinking about quite a bit.  I’ve probably touched on it in past posts – can’t recall.  But…..I need a friend.  I don’t have one.  I have lots of people I care deeply about (coworkers, former coworkers, etc.) – but not a real friend.  Yes, I’ve mentioned one over the past few months – but she and I have finally come to the conclusion that it’s difficult being close friends with someone you have absolutely nothing in common with other than you have known each other for years.  We simply couldn’t find a way to connect.

So – why don’t I have a friend?  Hmmmm…..  Well, I think for one that since we moved around a lot while growing up – I learned to make friends easily but never got really close with them because we would always be moving on.  We were very close as a family though – and so as an adult now, my family is who I am close to.  I miss my brother so darn much it hurts – and I wish he lived closer….but that’s another story for another time.

When younger and single and a different lifestyle – yep, lots of friends that I hung out with then.  When I got married – I was content to just be with my little family.  But being single again and living a Christian lifestyle – I find it difficult to ‘meet’ people who I have enough in common with that we might be able to become friends.

I will admit that I have not ‘connected’ to the singles group at church for a couple of reasons.  Some may say those are just excuses – and maybe they are – but for now, it’s the way it is for me.  For one – I go to church on Saturdays because I want my son to have that exposure and to be involved in our church.  On Sundays – he is with his father.  The singles group meets on Sundays.  So – why not get up and go again on Sunday?  Yep, I’ve thought about it.  A lot – but so far, I haven’t had the energy to do that…..I usually need at least one full day of nothing but rest at home in order to make it through the week at work without my Fibro interfering.

Getting back to the subject of a friendship for me – please pray that God will put the right person in my life to fulfill that need.  Pray that we can be a blessing to each other and that we always keep God in the very center of it at all times!

Moving on now – here is something that I heard Creflo Dollar say the other day: “A tree bears fruit when it is exposed to sunlight and water.  We bear fruit as we are exposed to SON-light and God’s living water.”  I like that.  Just let that sit with you a bit.  What do you think?  Isn’t it true?

Another thing I heard from someone else recently:  We shouldn’t be amazed when supernatural things take place.  If we are amazed, then we need to take a look at our hearts and our relationship with Christ.  The speaker was trying to say that if we relate so much to this world that when we see supernatural things we are in awe of them – that maybe our focus is incorrect.  But – at least from my view – it wouldn’t be amazement that it happened, but rather the awesomeness of witnessing the event!  It makes my heart sing to witness awesome things from God.  So I’m not sure I agree with this line of thought – we all perceive things differently, don’t we?

This reminds me of a time when a coworker had foundation stabilization work done on their home.  Her husband had been paralyzed years prior and was in a wheelchair.  He had recently fallen out of his wheelchair and broken his leg and had to have surgery.  In an odd turn of events, she tripped while trying to learn to rollerblade and broke her own leg in two places.  During this time, she and her husband had various companies coming out to give quotes on the work to be done on their home.  They made their decision and came to an agreement with the company of their choice.  At the end of the job, the owner of the company stopped by one evening and said that ‘God had laid it on his heart to not charge them for the work.’

I remember this like it was yesterday – but isn’t that awesome!?  I’m sure some folks wouldn’t agree – but what I saw was God doing an awesome thing here!  Not only was this man close to God, he was obedient to His prompting.  In turn two people who were very used to being independent and taking care of their own needs – learned what it was like to experience God’s love.  And all of the coworkers and friends of theirs had the opportunity to witness some supernatural work taking place!

And finally, I will end with a little heart-medicine….. My ex-husband has been out of the country (visiting the new wife) for a little over 3 weeks.  He called to speak with our son one time for about 5 minutes.  After all this time, I figured my son would be stuck to him like glue when he returned (because he was always very attached to his daddy).  Dad just returned last week and so my son spent this past Friday night, Saturday and Sunday with his dad.  He tells me when he gets home Sunday night – ‘I’m sure glad to be back home with you, Mommy.’  Can you say Awwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Hey – you take the little sweetheart moments where you can find ‘em, folks!  They will be grown and gone before you know it!

Take care.

 

HE DIDN’T SAY IT WOULD BE EASY….OR PAINLESS…..

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I have had a rough couple of weeks.  I am frustrated with myself – which seems to be a recurring issue.  One that I am trying to work on but have a long ways to go!

If you have been reading my posts you know that I have been trying a detox program.  One that is supposed to get my system straightened up (hormones, candida, you name it).  In turn, it is supposed to make you feel better and ultimately lose weight.  Let me first say I’m very hard-headed (just ask anyone who knows me personally – Ha!).  So please do not think that I am giving up though I am struggling.

I just read something that a Twitter friend sent me as he realized that I was having a rough time – and it certainly gave me some things to think about.  Actually, there are quite a few things that came to mind while reading it – but for now I’m going to stick to just a couple of things.

As mentioned in my previous post – I backslid in my detox program.  I couldn’t take the pain from what they call ‘healing crisis’.  I wimped out.  At least that is my self-talk of late.  Negative self-talk is where I struggle the most in my life.  Logically, I KNOW better.  I KNOW that it is not of God.  I KNOW.  But I have a hard time with it just the same.

I have learned loads of things concerning nutrition and how how body works during this journey.  So on the positive side, if I were to completely stop now I can say that I have gained knowledge that I didn’t have prior to this program.

Once I stopped the liquid-only portion of the detox program – the part that caused my fibromyalgia to flare up – I simply have had a hard time getting back on task.  I started feeling better when I started eating again – so that was good.  But it seems that by the end of that week, I had fallen completely off of the wagon and easily went right back into my old habits.  By the end of the following week – I am extremely exhausted.  Its as if I have had absolutely no sleep.  I can’t think straight.  I can’t focus.  I have no desire to do anything at all.  I also find myself anxious and stressed for no reason.  And I am irritable and grumpy – which is not my nature….it only shows up when I’m tired and stressed.  I also struggle with my writing, which is very discouraging.

As the author of that post I read – there is One who knows what is in store for me.  He alone knows the path I will take and what lies in my future.  I simply have to have faith and rely fully on God.  I believe that is where I am coming up short. 

You see, I realize these things – but struggle with them ‘sticking’ – if you know what I mean.  I don’t know if it is the focus issue I have or not….but I do not that my clarity was improving as I was on this program.  So I am determined to figure out what works for me.

What is going to be different?  First, I am going to stop ‘trying’ to do it myself.  Though I’ve said that I am relying on God – I have concluded that I only do that to an extent. I pray for help but that is as far as it has gone lately.  I even struggle with finding the words to say – though I am well aware that He knows my heart.  I believe that.

I also hope to get to a place where I will replace the negative self-talk to some serious God-talk.  Instead of talking to myself and beating myself up – why not talk to God and let Him speak to me!?  

I’m not going to do the liquid portion of that program again.  But I am going to take the things I’m learning about God’s wonderful creations – our bodies and the wonderful, natural foods He provides for us.  I am going to try juicing I think.  See how it goes.  That seems to be a good way to get an abundance of nutrients in a simple manner.

Also, I haven’t really ‘connected’ with most of my classmates from school.  I find that I am so unhappy with myself and how I have let myself go – that I don’t feel the strength and self-confidence to face people from my skinny days.  However, for some reason – a few weeks ago, I ‘friended’ an old classmate on FB.  I was somewhat in awe of his life.  He and his wife were in the Boston Marathon this year.  And from what I could tell, they run….a lot.  I’ve always wanted to run….but even when I was thin, it didn’t seem a possibility – don’t ask why, because I have no idea why I thought that except that I had very low self-esteem when I was younger.

Recently, he posted a pic of him AND his wife standing inside of a pair of pants that he used to wear!  I asked him how he did it being that he was physically in such bad shape.  He then told me his story.  He has now become one of my role models – though he doesn’t know it.  But it has inspired me to do what I’ve wanted to for years.

I don’t know if I will actually make it to the degree that he has – I don’t even know that it is something I am interested in doing.  But I do believe that I will at least get to the point that I can run – if I want to.

And on a final note, I have been through a lot in my life.  Many say they can’t believe how strong I am or how much I’ve had to deal with and come out of it with such victory.  Example:  My kids have been raised by a single mom – and they are good, well-mannered kids!  No drugs, gangs, pregnancies etc. And above all – they know about God and how to count on Him! 

So this is the toughest thing I’ve had to deal with in quite some time.  And I believe that most of it is because of my own shortcomings.  My own stubborn ways.  My own fear of failure – which in turn makes me quit BEFORE failing.  BUT – I know where the answer lies.  I know deep down that I simply need to STOP.  Stop trying.  Stop doing.  Stop relying on my own abilities.  

Instead, fully rely on God – not halfway.  Wait on Him – which is what I started doing, but stopped.  My self-talk will now be to remind myself over and over and over….as long as it takes to become victorious.  

If you are a praying person – I would appreciate it if you add me to your prayer list!  And as always – I will keep you posted!

Thanks!

I WILL STAND AGAINST FEAR!

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Today I listened to a message that lead me further into my health issues.  And I now have so much rolling around in my mind, I’m not sure that I can adequately write this in a manner to convey what I’m thinking and feeling.

What was revealed to me today is that Satan wants us to live in bondage of fear and anxiety (as I’ve mentioned in a previous post).  He uses these things to keep us from living God’s will.  We are instructed over and over in the bible that we are not to fear – so we know that fear is not of God.

In the message I heard, my pastor said ‘There is a difference between sickness and a spirit of sickness’.  Just stop and think about that for a minute.  If you haven’t had a chronic illness, this may not impact you quite as much as it has me.

This really hit home with me though.  Because I have been in such bad health and hurting for so long, I had finally given in to the fact that this would be the way the rest of my life would go.  I would simply have to find a way to ‘deal’ with the pain and fatigue and go on.  However, as I’ve mentioned before – I DON’T WANT TO LIVE THIS WAY!

The devil can hold us in bondage mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually or even socially.  We must remember that through Christ we have been set free.  It’s out birthright.  Our gift from God.  Our Father has done His part and given us the freedom.  We simply need to accept it.  To stand up and refuse to live in bondage any more!

If you think about it – this can be applied to anything you are battling in life.  Not just a health issue.  Are you under financial bondage? Pornography? What about drugs, alcohol, cutting, anger or depression?  How about negative self-talk?  I used to do that a lot.  I battled the inner voice telling me that I am a disappointment to God.

God will never bless fear-based decisions and therefore, we must CHOOSE to become absolutely intolerant to bondage.  We must stand against the bondage that Satan tries to put on us so that God can bless us for doing His will.

Here is an example on a personal level.  As many of you know, I am working not only on losing weight but mainly focusing on improved physical health by going through a detox program.  I actually did pretty well in the beginning – but before long, the symptoms of my fibromyalgia got worse than ever before!  I was in a very bad place.  I missed work. I wanted to give up.  I wanted to scrap the whole thing and go back to the way things were.

However, after much praying – God revealed to me that even though I was on the right track with the clean eating, I was listening to others instead of Him.  Once I understood and decided to hang in there – I have been attacked like you wouldn’t believe.  There is so much information coming at me from all sides – that it is not even possible to sort through it and know which information is correct!

But Satan has misjudged me.  Tell me I can’t do something and it makes me even more determined!  I am still standing against all that he is throwing my way and trusting in God alone.  GOD is my anchor.  He is my teacher.  He is walking me through this and I will be victorious because I choose God’s will.  God is leading me through this journey and I am not giving up.

Have a great week, everyone!  And, choose to stand strong!

We ARE Healed – Did You Know?

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Over the past few years I have seen many friends and loved ones suffer due to health issues.  I’ve lost several to health-related issues.  It’s heartbreaking.  And every time something inside of me screams that THIS IS NOT RIGHT!  Why must we suffer so?  

 
Yes, I understand about sin in the world and how it creates havoc for everyone.  And illness is a direct result of such evil all around us.  I don’t question that.  However, if I am to believe that God loves me/us and that we can lean on Him – then I wonder how so many of us can suffer so much?
 
A few years ago, my dad started watching someone on television teaching that maybe we need to reconsider what we how we pray, how we really stand on faith and what we BELIEVE that God will do or has already done for us.  This led to he and I both studying and reading on what for us was a new concept.  Something we had never been taught in church.  Now, I am not one to preach or stuff my beliefs and scriptures down any person’s throat.  But let me share a couple of things here and then you can decide to take it or leave it. 
 
First of all – I believe that we receive further, deeper understanding and wisdom the more we study God’s word.  And that through His word, things are eventually revealed to us as we are ready to receive them.  So, before simply denying or refusing these ideas because possibly no one has ever taught it to us – why not consider whether this is something He is leading us to? 
 
Proverbs 4:20-22 (NIV): My son, pay attentions to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s whole body.
 
1 Peter 2:24(NIV): He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
 
2 Peter 1:2-3(NIV):  Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.  His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
 
Matthew 8:17(NIV): This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases.
 
For more scripture examples, see this article: http://www.awmi.net/extra/article/healing_niki
Bottom line for me is that we would see so many more blessings of healing if more people truly believed that we have already been given the healing – we simply have to accept the gift and receive it with faith.  It’s one thing to ‘say’ that we believe in God’s healing for us and another to simply accept and say ‘Thank you God, for the healing’ – don’t you think?
 
Maybe I’m making it too simple…but for me it works.  Trust me when I say I can analyze the crud out of something until it drives me nuts.  But I have come to my own conclusion that God doesn’t play mind games.  He doesn’t make life such a mystery and a puzzle that few people will ‘get it’.  I’m sorry, I simply can’t believe that.  To me, making it so complicated that most people miss the boat is a cruel thing to do.  It’s not a loving thing that a Father would do to His children.
 
SO – my dad and I both have practiced this over the past few years – and we have seen miraculous healing!  Does it happen instantly?  It hasn’t in most cases….but we believe we must continually show our faith and accept the healing even when it’s not immediately produced.
 
Even with the Fibromyalgia that I currently have – I trust that I have been healed.  The healing is slow in being manifested because there is other ‘garbage’ that I believe I need to deal with first.  I believe that as I release some of the other issues in my life, hand them over to God as I should have in the first place, the pain from the Fibro will diminish.  I’ve already seen it.  When I let the stress go – the pain goes.  When  I pray and meditate on God’s grace and thank Him for His healing – the symptoms begin to disappear.  My weakness is that I fall back into the habits of trying to deal with things on my own….and before I know it, the Fibro pain is back.
 
Regardless, I am growing and learning every day – and I trust that I am where I need to be at this time in my life.  God is with me and I am healed!  Thank God!

Sometimes It Hurts First

imagesAs mentioned in my previous post – I am on the road to a better life, a better me.  I stumbled across a weight-loss program that focused more on the toxins etc in your body rather than the typical plans everyone is familiar with these days.  It teaches you how the things you put in your body such as preservatives, sugars, etc. can negatively affect the way your body functions.  It teaches you how to detox your system so you can get back on track.

SO – I decided to do the plan and get my system ‘cleaned out’ and refreshed – rebooted, if you will.  While building up to the actual detox process, you prep by eating nothing but vegetables and very lean chicken or fish.  No biggie – I like veggies and chicken!  I got this in the bag! Or so I thought….

Actually, you can’t have anything that has gluten, sugars, vinegar, grains.  Do you know how hard that is in reality!?!?!  It’s tough.  Every time I thought of something I could eat – I was wrong.  Don’t get me wrong – I have no problem with veggies at all – but after a while, it’s difficult to find variable ways to prepare them.  Even dressings are near impossible to find that don’t have at least vinegar in them.

Needless to say – I’ve struggled.  However, I did stick to it enough to lose some weight.  So next comes the detox.  I started it on Saturday and instantly I have had the worst fibromyalgia flare-up ever!  The pain has been almost unbearable. My brain is foggy and I can’t seem to think clearly or to focus properly.  I was starting to get concerned.

During this time, I struggled in my thought life – did I ‘misunderstand’ what I thought God was leading me to do concerning my weight and more importantly health issues?  Is this the wrong thing to do?  Am I once again trying to ‘do it on my own’?  I could drive myself crazy with all of the ‘what ifs’ – which means I was falling back into my old routine – and stressing over things – again!

I decided that I was going to stick this out and shut those chronic negative thoughts down immediately.  I contacted my doctor about what was going on and he explained that it is part of the process.  He called it Health Crisis – where your body is actually ridding itself of the toxins and garbage that has loaded up over the years.  BUT, if I stick with it, I will begin to start feeling much better and have increased energy.

SO – I am in constant prayer and seeking God’s hand in leading me through this new but difficult journey.  I realize that sometimes we must weather the difficult, the stuff that hurts in order to come out on top at the end.

Thank You, Father for being there for me.  Thank You for blessing me with the ability to become victorious!