Call Me the Clay

I just got back from the BEST vacation!  We haven’t been on an out-of-town vacation in almost 4 years – so needless to say, it was MUCH needed.  But besides that, God revealed a lot of things to me.

Briefly I will tell you that we live in the Texas Panhandle – if you have never been here before, let me say that it is hot, dry and flat.  No trees.  Very little water.  And windy – very, very windy.  We do have the second-largest canyon in the country (Palo Duro Canyon) – and it is something to see!  The beauty here is in the people.  We have the friendliest people around – and that is a true blessing!

For vacation, we headed to the nearest mountains (see the picture I took above!).  We stayed in Red River, NM.  I’m not a person who enjoys snow — so mountains in the summer is my kind of fun.  We spent our time doing the following: fireworks on the lake, watched a parade, grilled, mountain climbing/hiking, tubing down the slopes, off-roading and water rafting.

During our time there, I was able to reflect on a few things.  For instance, I was witness to some little spats that took place within the couples.  Being older than they are, having been there, done that and being single again, gave me a different perspective.  In some ways it was like Deja vu – because I remember thinking/saying/acting in similar ways.  But I could also see where I had matured past a lot of it and I now know that I handled things in the best way I could in my marriage.  It was like God was allowing me to witness these things to let me know that maybe, just maybe I needed to forgive myself a bit more.  I have always been critical of myself and though I thought I had moved on, I suppose that I still blamed myself for ‘failing’ in my marriage. So this let me know that 1) I no longer need to second-guess my thoughts/feelings on certain things and 2) It always takes two – so it isn’t all my fault.

I experienced some pain that I thought had healed through the years when I learned of some unkind, hurtful words being told to another.  It brought back memories.  It hurt and it helped – if that makes any sense.  My heart hurt witnessing someone going through the same stuff I had and at the same time it reminded me that what I experienced in my past was not because I’m such a ‘bad’ person or unworthy person – but rather the insecurities of the person saying the hurtful things.

I also learned to lighten up and laugh a little more.  You know, being around young adults is definitely an experience!  It helped to remind me to be happy and enjoy my life a little more. And it helped to get me off my duff and move – to do something active. AND – to drink more water – LOL!

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in existing in this world that we forget to really look around.  We forget to pause and take a look at what He has provided. So I am also thankful that I was able to enjoy God’s beautiful creations there.  We saw it rain every afternoon – where that would normally put a damper on one’s activities – we danced in it!  We would stand like goobs and simply breathe.  It was fantastic!  I must admit, when we got back home to the dry 100-degree temps – I was a bit disgusted.  I keep telling myself to mellow out though – LOL

And – it has inspired me to really do some serious praying about guidance and seeking God’s will for me.  For a couple of years now, I have had a desire to make a living in a different field – but I typically squash it down and try to ignore it.  I have obligations.  I can’t see how I could do anything else.  Blah, blah, blah……but now I’m thinking, why not!?  If God has put this desire in my heart, I should be listening – right?  So, that is my goal.  I will keep my heart and mind open and wait for His lead.

I also discovered that though I thought I was pretty stress-free these days, apparently I’m not as much as I thought.  No wonder I’m still struggling with my Fibromyalgia (mainly the Fibro-fog) and weight/health issues.  Yes, I’m better than I was – thank you, Father!  But I experienced true peace and contentment while away from the daily grind.  And I want that in my life!  So, I have decided to work on that a little more. Progress not perfection – as the saying goes.

And finally, I was simply able to truly enjoy my family.  I love my family.  We are tight.  But this allowed us to forget the daily stresses of life and just have fun.  It’s been a long time, folks.  I saw my 7-year old mature right before my eyes.  My daughter is struggling with a few things and that in itself is growth.  My heart aches for her at times – but I’m so darn proud of her too!  She has her own business at the young age of 20 years old – not many can say that, you know.  I love my son-in-law.  He is intelligent and responsible and he loves my daughter.  My ‘other’ daughter – I call her that, she’s my daughter’s best friend — I finally got to know her a little more (she’s always been so quiet though I’ve known her for years).  I’m proud of her too – she has grown into a beautiful young lady and she has a bright future ahead of her.  And I got to know her boyfriend – and I like him.  A lot. Not to mention that he saved my bacon when I went overboard on the rafting trip – LOL!

And then there is my dad.  He didn’t go with us.  But he stayed behind and tended to my pets on top of running my ex-husband’s business while he is out of the country.  I don’t know what we would do without him.  I’m 48 years old and still tend to run to him for advice.  We all do.  He’s a great man and I thank God for him every single day!

Coming back home I found a few more things to appreciate (once I got over the disgust of the extreme temps).  I learned that some of my daughter’s friends were disappointed that we were gone over the 4th of July holiday.  We typically have a cookout at my place and they had wanted to do it again this year.  It’s nice to know that they (being teens and young adults) feel they can come out and have a good time and that they don’t mind being around an ‘adult’ (me) – so I must be okay.

Bottom line, I found a greater appreciation for my job, my home, my life and my church.  Though I have a desire to do other things – I will be content where I’m at until God shows me that it is time to do something different.  I have faith that I am yet on another exciting journey with my Father and that He will shower me and my family with many more blessings.

Hope you are having a great summer and please, take time to thank God for the blessings He has provided.

As a side note:  a friend of mine is listing 10 things he is thankful for each day on Facebook.  I’m thinking that is not a bad idea.  I may start doing that too in order to keep my mind on the lookout for the positive and the good things in life!