Call Me the Clay

Okay – let me start off by telling you this is NOT an X-rated post.  Nope, no sex or intimacy here….

So, if you are still with me after that ‘disclaimer’ – let me tell you what I’m talking about.  Unless you’ve had your head in the sand lately – there is very little chance that you haven’t heard and seen the stories of the weather-related disasters.

There have been floods, the Alabama tornadoes, the Joplin, Mo. tornado, Oklahoma tornadoes and if you live in my neck of the woods – there are wildfires again.  In the past 24 hours alone – there have been fires on both sides of me – within 20 miles or so on the north and south of my home.

All of this excitement/trauma has led me to take a real close look at my life.  I’ve mentioned this before….but hang with me for a few moments.  I don’t believe I’m the only one doing this either.  Someone at work today said that she was thinking about the things she would lose if ever something happened to her home.  She said she realized that everything that is ‘important’ to her is sitting at the top of a closet.  “Not the best place to have that stuff – I need to move it!” she said.

Back in February we had to evacuate my dad’s place – get things moved out quick because the wildfires were bearing down quickly and he was out of town.  I made a call to ask him what he wanted me to move.  It’s hard to think straight when you get slammed with that type of decision without notice.  So, he wasn’t even sure.  We made the decisions for him.  I remember when that ordeal was over – I found myself considering my own belongings and what I would want to take with me.

So besides material belongings – I also find myself taking a closer look at my life in general.  And today, I saw a brief discussion on the news about what Oprah Winfrey wants for people – what final advice that she has for the public in general.  They also interviewed Dr. Phil – and he basically said the same thing.

That thing?  It was to find your passion.  Know your passion.  LIVE your passion.  Someone mentioned how difficult that is for some people because it’s all they can do to make ends meet.  To work, pay their bills and feed their families.  Both Dr. Phil and Oprah said that it doesn’t have to ‘cost anything’ and it doesn’t have to be a huge ordeal.  They said that it just needs to be something that you enjoy.  Something that makes you feel good.  Something that gives you purpose so you aren’t merely existing in this life.

The interesting thing for me is that I’ve struggled for years – all of my adult life, actually – with wondering what my passion is.  I ‘like’ many things.  I’m good at many things.  But, what – if there were no limitations – would I do with my life?  I have no idea.  Sad, huh?

I often wonder if it was because of my childhood.  My up-bringing.  Please understand – I am NOT blaming my parents for a bad childhood.  I love my family.  I love my parents.  No question that they loved me.  But what I mean is – no one ‘taught’ my parents to have goals or dreams for their lives.  All they knew is that you got married, had kids and worked to support them. Period. 

So, they in turn didn’t teach me and my brother about goals and dreams.  Again – all we knew was to grow up, get married, start a family and make a living. Period.

I agree with Dr. Phil when he said that if you aren’t living your passion – then you are missing your true potential.  We should all find what drives us and enjoy our time here on earth.  Therefore, on this journey I am currently on with my Savior (please see my bio or read previous posts) – I am asking Him to reveal to me what my gift is.  What is my true calling.  Show me my true passion.

And, while I’m in this discovery mode….I’m also taking some baby steps to doing some things I’ve wanted to do for quite some time – as far as hobbies go.  I’ve put them off because of dedicating my time, energy and money to my family – my husband and kids have always come first.  I tend to put myself after everything and everyone else…and unfortunately, that is not always the best thing to do.

Not to get off track here – but here is an example of when it’s not so great to ALWAYS put others before yourself.  I have a lot of people that I work with that I like and they like me.  BUT – I have no real friends.  Why?  Because I ‘didn’t have time’ to invest in true friendship (or so I thought).  I put everything I am into my husband and kids.  If you have read previous blogs – you know that my husband left me out of the clear blue a few months back.  And most recently – my daughter and I have been in the worst place ever with each other.  I was sure I had lost her (but we’ve recently made amends).

But through all of that – I’ve come to realize that none of it would have been quite so devastating to me had I not put everything into just that part of my life.  I was completely lost without them.  Overnight (it seemed) two-thirds of my life was gone.  I should have depended on God more than a husband – a man should not be who makes me feel complete and important.  I needed to have a stronger relationship with my Savior.  And I should have known that I can’t be everything to everyone.  I wouldn’t be in a position of needing to rebuild everything had I led my life a little differently. 

If I had taken a little more time for myself – I would most likely have friends I could lean on.  I probably would not be overweight – because I would have been more attentive to my health and made time to exercise.  IF I had hobbies or interests, then I wouldn’t feel so alone during this time when my daughter is avoiding home.  Our home would most likely be a place of refuge rather than a place to avoid because of the depressing atmosphere.

Okay – my apologies for the little ‘rabbit trail’ I got off on….but the bottom line is that I need a purpose that is just for me.  I need to find my passion.  I need to find interests and to build myself up – to start my life anew.

For my ‘baby steps’ – I am picking up a hobby that I took a class on one time and loved it.  Stained Glass.  I have a work station set up and most of the supplies already.  Within a couple of weeks – I should have everything I need and be on to my first project!!

I also want to purchase my next camera upgrade.  I love photography and I am ready to experiment with what I can do.  Watch out people – woman with a camera on the loose! LOL

Finally – through all of my ramblings here – I am here to say that I hope you have identified your passion.  If not, I challenge you to find it.  As was mentioned in that interview today – start by TRYING something.  If it’s not for you, that’s okay….move on to something else.  Continue until you find what really gives you the satisfaction and enthusiasm that you deserve in your life!

Take care…