Tag Archive | Journey

Still On My Journey…Learning More…..Sometimes With My Heels Dug In…..

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I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything since May – and here it is October! A lot has been going on for sure. Some of it has been tough, but I lean heavily on God and He always sees me through!

As mentioned in this previous post, my daughter and son-in-law moved down south.  They are doing well though we are all missing each other like crazy.  My daughter had some serious home-sickness going on for a bit – but I think she is doing better now.

They both came back up a few weeks ago for a visit.  While here, many of their friends came out to the house for a little party.  It sure was fun seeing everyone together again!  And most recently they were here for the wedding of ‘my other daughter’ – as you may have read on previous posts….she is my daughter’s best friend.  They call each other ‘sister’ and I’m ‘Mom’ to her.

I also mentioned that the new job I got after being laid-off was not very enjoyable.  I didn’t want to complain about the job I had after losing the other one…but I was miserable.  I didn’t want to come across as being ungrateful. It was during this time though, that I started learning that I was not leaning on God as much as I thought.

I was so ‘worried’ about being laid-off that I grabbed the first job that came along rather than praying about it and relying on God to open doors for me.  Again, which has been typical in my life, I was trying to be in control and manipulate my situation.

If you read this earlier post of mine, then you will understand my thought process here.  Of course it wasn’t until after I started the new job and began to reflect on my situation that I came to realize that I was still struggling with ‘unbelief’. Though I had faith that God would provide, my unbelief came about in thinking that I needed to jump on that job because there might not be another offer rather than waiting on Him.  So I spent almost 6 months in a job that I was unhappy with and that was not a good fit – for me or the employer.

During this time, I kept studying and learning about God’s grace and His desire to provide for us, His children.  Most recently it dawned on me….

Just as an earthly parent, God does not want His children to suffer, be ill, in pain or live in poverty.  He wants only the best for us.  I have always said I believed that….but I think deep down I always felt like I wasn’t living up to whatever it was in my mind that I thought I should be or be doing for Him.  I felt that because I was ‘failing’ or falling short of what I thought He wanted….then why would He shower me with abundance?  If I couldn’t take care of the little, why would He give me more?

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not talking about doing ‘works’ in order to get to heaven.  But just as with my own children….they may do things that are not what I would choose for them…and they may even disappoint me from time to time.  But would I want them to suffer, do without, hurt?  No way!  So why would I assume God would be any different?

I heard someone say that maybe we shouldn’t be asking God for ‘just enough’ – meaning, why do we ask Him for things like giving us just enough to live comfortably, or feel better, or pay our bills?  We are children of God.  We were made righteous by Christ.  So we should claim it!  We have power through Christ!

So I recently sat down and had a lengthy conversation with my Father.  And I laid it all at the feet of my Savior. It finally made sense to me! I gave thanks.  I cried. And rejoiced.  And cried some more.  But afterwards I felt so much lighter and I could definitely feel a difference.  The burdens were gone.

Very shortly after that…things started happening for me:

First of all, I hurt my back carrying something at work that was WAY to heavy.  And I was laying in bed on the 3rd night of the worst pain I have ever been in.  But through the misery – I kept repeating thanks over and over for the healing.  And sure enough, the pain went away without seeking medical care.

Every time I found my mind wanting to head down in the dumps or start with the negative thoughts – I would correct myself and say thanks to my Father.  I gave thanks for my healing (we are healed by his stripes….) and thanks for His provision. Let me tell you….it was not – and still isn’t – a natural or automatic thing for me.  I am so used to thinking ‘here we go again’ or something negative…and then gearing up to deal with it.  So, I have had to repeat many, many times that I do not have to carry the burden….God’s got this!

Next, I got a call from someone that I have always considered a mentor of mine.  I had worked with him in the past and though we parted ways years ago, I would still do some ‘virtual assistant’ jobs for him from time to time.  I also know his boss – the owner of the company in which he works now – from that same time period in our past.  He asked me to stop in to help them with some personnel issues.  I agreed.

When I got there, both of them were there telling me about how some things had changed within the company – and they wanted to offer me a job!!!  You have to understand – I have wanted to work for them for years!  And here it was, out of the clear blue, being offered!  Needless to say, I accepted the job.

Within the first week – I was given a raise…to cover the healthcare premiums – so that it wouldn’t cut into my take home pay. Can you believe that!?  I was also assured that I would be getting my pay bumped up very soon.

Then came the realization that I was most likely going to lose my insurance on my home – due to ‘forgetting’ (Fibro Fog) to pay it…and my first check was coming in exactly one week later than the cut-off date.  Again I found myself starting to get stressed.  But I reminded myself that God’s got this….and I was just along for the ride.

Sure enough – no quicker had those thoughts crossed my mind when my boss asked me how I was with the gap between my last job’s payday and this one.  I told him I was figuring it out.  He told me to give him a figure and he would advance it to me.  I did.  He did.  When I asked about re-paying it…..I was told not to worry about it right now.  So, house insurance was paid – literally within 4 hours of it being cancelled!

For many – this may sound like small potatoes….but for me – this is huge!  For the first time in my life, I feel that things are going to be good for me!  I no longer feel like I screwed up and therefore it is what it is!  Of course there will still be things to come up and I will probably have to remind myself another few hundred times to let things go….but I’m confident that it will become easier as I’m growing and learning more!

Next on my list is my health – again, I’ve spoken with God about this and I am confident that my body is repairing itself and I will no longer suffer.  For now, I find that when I’m getting caught up in the ‘unbelief’ – my Fibro starts acting up.  Once I claim healing and refuse to worry about the situation the symptoms recede.  I believe that for now this is my little reminder to help get me back on track.  But I also fully believe that I am healed and that my healthy body will manifest once I learn to accept the gift given to me.

And finally…..relationships.  I’m not sure where I’m going here yet.  But I’m trusting God to lead me.  At the moment, with all of the pain and mistrust I’ve experienced in this area….I do not want an intimate relationship with another man…ever!  But at the same time, I find myself lonely and wishing for companionship.  However, I will wait on my Father and see what He has in mind for me.  Maybe it’s more than I can ever dream of…..or maybe I’m not supposed to have another man in my life….either way, I’m good with that.

F.R.O.G. = Fully Relying On God…..that’s the fun part….once you learn to relax and go with it!

Always Trying to Be in Control – Ha!

ImageDo you ever struggle with hearing God’s gentle voice?  I do.  I believe it is because I am a ‘take control’ type of person and I tend to act before I think on things too much. This often means I bulldoze right on into things without checking in with God first to see if He agrees with my plans.  I don’t mean to do it – I really don’t. 

It seems like it is a survival mode that I somehow acquired during my lifetime – but I don’t know where the off-switch is located.  I am so used to having to take care of things and make things work.  I struggle with handing it all over to my Father.  I know that God can handle everything much better than I can.  And I want Him to do so – I truly do. 

A perfect example of this would be a recent chain of events that took place concerning our plan for my son’s care after he gets out of school.  I am a single parent and therefore I have to make arrangements for someone else to care for him until I get off of work.  I stumbled across something that I was sure was something I was supposed to do – after all, I had been trying to get him into this program for several months.  It was the eleventh-hour on the Friday before this new school year started and I was scrambling to make it all work out – there were several hurdles that I had to maneuver.  Each time one would pop up, I would have an uneasy feeling about it – but I kept telling myself that this was meant to be.

Then on the first day (Monday) – I go to pick my son up.  I can tell immediately that things did not go well for him.  I ask him if anything is wrong and he tells me ‘no’ – and I can tell it is because he doesn’t want to talk about it in front of others.  When we get to the car – I find out what took place.  Now normally if my kiddo tells me how he/she doesn’t like this or that – I convince them to stick it out a bit longer and see how things go.  But after all of the roadblocks that kept coming up while trying to get this all set up – it finally hits me.  God was trying to tell me that this was not His plan for us – and silly me…..I wasn’t listening! 

I went back to the drawing board and talked with my loved ones.  As it turned out – I was able to work things out so that everyone involved benefits in some way.  I have peace about my son’s care.  He is happier.  Others make a little extra money for their efforts.  And we all get to see each other on a regular basis – which typically doesn’t happen.  Of course!  God’s ways are always the best! 

On another note – and this is in reference to my previous post, but God is showing both my daughter and I a few things about our ‘automatic drive’ of negativity.  We are both learning and growing and excitedly sharing with each other what is happening!  I will write more on that some other time – but just wanted to openly thank God for His love and His grace and definite patience with those of us who are a bit slow in learning things!

Take care and I hope you are enjoying your life journey!  If not, turn to God and see what He has in store for you – I can promise that you will be greatly blessed!

JOURNEY KICK-START

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I feel that my journey is about to kick in gear.  Sure, something is always happening and we are always experiencing and hopefully learning – but I ‘feel’ something coming my way.  Not sure what it is – but I’m excited!  I see things lining up in my life.  So many prayers have been answered.  Or better yet – I know that God has always provided for me and mine – but I am more aware of the answered prayers lately.  I have been made more aware of how my thoughts and actions can hinder – but that if I stop and remind myself that I need to wait on God – Wow!  It’s been so awesome!

I find myself wanting to shout it out to everyone and tell them all about what is happening – but of course, I realize that most folks would deem me a crazy person and/or be turned off and tune me out….so I refrain.  I want to share with everyone each time a realization comes to me – but instead I make myself calm down and allow God to use me in the best way He sees fit.

One area that I am anxiously waiting upon the Lord to deal with is my Fibromyalgia.  Actually the Fibro Fog bothers me more than the pain – but they go hand-in-hand.  I find myself frustrated because I can’t get my thoughts together.  I have always been a sharp, quick-thinking and detail-oriented person.  But this Fibro Fog has taken a lot of that away from me.  My blogging is a perfect example.  I have many, many things I would like to write about – but am unable to get it done due to the scatter-brained thought processes I have now.

But that’s okay.  I’m waiting.  I have faith.  In the meantime, it forces me to assess things that I probably took for granted in the past.  It causes me to consider my relationship with God.  It creates in me a stronger desire to trust and be dependent on Him.  But just you wait – I believe that when there is full breakthrough in this area – it will be time for seeing some very real changes in my life!

Something else I’ve been thinking about quite a bit.  I’ve probably touched on it in past posts – can’t recall.  But…..I need a friend.  I don’t have one.  I have lots of people I care deeply about (coworkers, former coworkers, etc.) – but not a real friend.  Yes, I’ve mentioned one over the past few months – but she and I have finally come to the conclusion that it’s difficult being close friends with someone you have absolutely nothing in common with other than you have known each other for years.  We simply couldn’t find a way to connect.

So – why don’t I have a friend?  Hmmmm…..  Well, I think for one that since we moved around a lot while growing up – I learned to make friends easily but never got really close with them because we would always be moving on.  We were very close as a family though – and so as an adult now, my family is who I am close to.  I miss my brother so darn much it hurts – and I wish he lived closer….but that’s another story for another time.

When younger and single and a different lifestyle – yep, lots of friends that I hung out with then.  When I got married – I was content to just be with my little family.  But being single again and living a Christian lifestyle – I find it difficult to ‘meet’ people who I have enough in common with that we might be able to become friends.

I will admit that I have not ‘connected’ to the singles group at church for a couple of reasons.  Some may say those are just excuses – and maybe they are – but for now, it’s the way it is for me.  For one – I go to church on Saturdays because I want my son to have that exposure and to be involved in our church.  On Sundays – he is with his father.  The singles group meets on Sundays.  So – why not get up and go again on Sunday?  Yep, I’ve thought about it.  A lot – but so far, I haven’t had the energy to do that…..I usually need at least one full day of nothing but rest at home in order to make it through the week at work without my Fibro interfering.

Getting back to the subject of a friendship for me – please pray that God will put the right person in my life to fulfill that need.  Pray that we can be a blessing to each other and that we always keep God in the very center of it at all times!

Moving on now – here is something that I heard Creflo Dollar say the other day: “A tree bears fruit when it is exposed to sunlight and water.  We bear fruit as we are exposed to SON-light and God’s living water.”  I like that.  Just let that sit with you a bit.  What do you think?  Isn’t it true?

Another thing I heard from someone else recently:  We shouldn’t be amazed when supernatural things take place.  If we are amazed, then we need to take a look at our hearts and our relationship with Christ.  The speaker was trying to say that if we relate so much to this world that when we see supernatural things we are in awe of them – that maybe our focus is incorrect.  But – at least from my view – it wouldn’t be amazement that it happened, but rather the awesomeness of witnessing the event!  It makes my heart sing to witness awesome things from God.  So I’m not sure I agree with this line of thought – we all perceive things differently, don’t we?

This reminds me of a time when a coworker had foundation stabilization work done on their home.  Her husband had been paralyzed years prior and was in a wheelchair.  He had recently fallen out of his wheelchair and broken his leg and had to have surgery.  In an odd turn of events, she tripped while trying to learn to rollerblade and broke her own leg in two places.  During this time, she and her husband had various companies coming out to give quotes on the work to be done on their home.  They made their decision and came to an agreement with the company of their choice.  At the end of the job, the owner of the company stopped by one evening and said that ‘God had laid it on his heart to not charge them for the work.’

I remember this like it was yesterday – but isn’t that awesome!?  I’m sure some folks wouldn’t agree – but what I saw was God doing an awesome thing here!  Not only was this man close to God, he was obedient to His prompting.  In turn two people who were very used to being independent and taking care of their own needs – learned what it was like to experience God’s love.  And all of the coworkers and friends of theirs had the opportunity to witness some supernatural work taking place!

And finally, I will end with a little heart-medicine….. My ex-husband has been out of the country (visiting the new wife) for a little over 3 weeks.  He called to speak with our son one time for about 5 minutes.  After all this time, I figured my son would be stuck to him like glue when he returned (because he was always very attached to his daddy).  Dad just returned last week and so my son spent this past Friday night, Saturday and Sunday with his dad.  He tells me when he gets home Sunday night – ‘I’m sure glad to be back home with you, Mommy.’  Can you say Awwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Hey – you take the little sweetheart moments where you can find ‘em, folks!  They will be grown and gone before you know it!

Take care.

 

A Brief Introduction

Hello!  I am a simple person just trying to make it through this life.  And survive what life has to offer or throw in my way.  My blog is titled “Call Me the Clay” – because I believe that God is the potter and I am the clay – and He’s not finished with me yet!


I will start by telling you a little about myself here….but will save most of it for upcoming posts.  The purpose for this blog is to discover what the Lord has planned for my life.  I have loads of life experiences to share in hopes that while I am learning and/or discovering what’s next for me, maybe you can receive a nugget or two of helpful information too.

I’m open to making new friends, and truly appreciate any feedback you might care to leave.  But please know that this is my journey and my posts are NOT here for debate for convincing others whether you believe what I believe or not.

Okay – I am a 40+ year old mother of 2 children.  My daughter is a beautiful, vibrant 18 (*sniff) year old.  My son is a cutie….and a handful!  He’s 4 1/2 years old.  And no, before you ask – he was not a mistake or unexpected.  He was very much planned.  But I will get into that later.

All my life people tend to draw near me for advice.  I don’t know why that is – but they do.  Some call it a gift.  Maybe it is…but sometimes its a real pain!  I have my own garbage and though I never mind listening and offering words of comfort or advice (when asked for it) – it sometimes becomes too much to carry.

I believe that is where I am now.  I have finally burned myself out and am suffering from it in many ways.  Including my health.  I am miserably overweight.  I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  I suffer from depression.  I think I have forgotten how to truly enjoy life.

But that’s okay.  This is why I’m here planning to pour myself out on these pages.  I’ve been thru loads of ‘stuff’ and am finally starting to see that I need to deal with some of it.  Face it and then put it away – with God’s help, of course.

The Lord has really been moving in my life the past few months and honestly, it has not been enjoyable.  BUT, I believe that He knows best and evidently I needed to go through it.  He’s not done yet – I get that.  But the light has finally come on for me and I look forward to what comes next!

So, join me in my journey and maybe we can both learn a thing or two!  I look forward to making new friends and welcome everyone!