2021 New Year – New Journey? PART I

Hello! Welcome to my pad. My journey. My random thoughts.  So, I’m starting anew I guess and hope to get some traction on this blog again.  It has always been a great source of venting for me and at times a means to process my feelings.  Life generally gets in the way and I drop off for a time.  If you haven’t been here before, feel free to check out my random posts of the past – because it is our past that general forms who we are currently – right?

A lot has happened since my last post back in May 2020, so I will give a summary of what has taken place since then.  My dad did undergo the testing for dementia and it was determined that he didn’t have dementia.  The psychologist stated that if he would simply sleep more at night rather than allowing himself to doze off so much during the day, his brain would get the rest it needs and he would be better off.  Keep this in mind for later on in Part II of this this post.

In the latter part of June or early July, my neighbors called me at work to say that my dad had taken a fall outside in the street (where he parks his vehicle) and couldn’t get up.  They are elderly themselves and couldn’t help him up – so they called an ambulance.  I arrived to find him in the back of the ambo and wreaking of alcohol.  If you recall from a previous post, I said he didn’t drink – ha!  The paramedics were asking me all kinds of questions trying to determine if he was having some sort of heart issue.  After weeks of battling with him about still driving, blacking out and not getting enough sleep because he was waking everyone in the house up each night when he got up – I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.  I informed them that there was nothing wrong with him but being drunk.

He would swear that he had had nothing to drink.  I hate to admit it but I lost my cool in front of the neighbors and the paramedics and let him know that we ALL knew he was drunk.  He denied and kept saying he just wanted out of the ambo and to go back in the house.  I gave him 2 options:  1) He could get out and get in my car in which we were then driving out to his place to dump every bit of alcohol we could find, or 2) If he was still insisting that he wasn’t drinking – then he needed to go with the paramedics to the hospital to figure out what was going on.  He opted for #2.

When I arrived at the hospital and got in to see him, they were preparing to run all kinds of tests.  I told the doc that they needed to test for alcohol and drugs (hydros).  He agreed and did just that.  Three hours later, they return with the results of no drugs but a blood alcohol level that was 3 times the legal limit!  My dad could not believe it.  He attempted to tell the long-winded story of how someone at the pharmacy had said back in March that if you drank about an ounce a day of liquor then it would help to keep you from catching COVID.  And that was ALL he was doing.  The doctor said there is NO way that is all he had been doing, etc. and attempted to explain how what he was doing was dangerous.  We left that evening with him still denying everything.

From that point on, things were extremely strained within our home.  He would come stumbling in, I would be seeing red and trying not to lose my cool with him.  You have to understand, it takes a LOT to get me angry. I tolerate a lot before allowing myself to flare up.  But with the worrying all day while I’m at work and getting very little sleep – I was a powder keg.  Before I knew it, I found myself hiding away in my room once he came home just so I wouldn’t have to deal with the garbage.  I look back now and it seems very cowardly and silly to have avoided the situation as I did.  I make no excuses.




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